Don't Blaspheme, for Christ's Sake!

I think I swear more than I used to. Is it a function of aging, I wonder? Do we swear more as we get older? As a kid, I never swore - for the very real fear of getting my mouth washed out with soap.

But I think these days that swearing in general, and the "f" word in particular, have become more normalized. And, when used as punctuation, they no longer pack the punch they they once did.

I really don't swear ALL that much. Scouts honour! I think it's simply that I have less tolerance for the idiots that often surrround me. Just this morning, for example, I caught myself cursing under my breath as I sat and watched my bus driver leisurely chat with his reprobate colleagues and finish his smoke before moseying over to the bus and climbing behind the wheel when we were already running 7 minutes late. (Oh yes, gentle readers, I know " ... and it's ALL small stuff." Bullpuckey! I've got things to do and I've just had a couple of coffees ya know!)

And you can be sure that I cursed that blighted bitch who slapped me squarely in the face a couple of months ago as she was walking past my seat when the bus lurched and she lost her balance. Belted me one right in the kisser! Unbelievable.

And the dawdling blue-haired biddy who came into the darkened theatre the other day who grabbed my head and damn near put an eye out with her opera synopsis as she careened toward a seat in the row behind me.

I mean Jesus-effen-Christ. Enough already! It's one of the reasons I am resisting facebook. I really don't like to get poked!

Actually, for the most part, I swear in Spanish, thanks to the 2 and a half years I spent with my first partner, who hailed from Caracas. It works out well in my neck of the woods because no one even knows I'm swearing! I often use "Coño!" (The Spanish "c" word). If I stub my toe or slip on the ice, then "coño" is generally what passes my lips. Coño in Venezuela is like saying "Shit!" here, though there are varying degrees - coño de tu madre and coño de tu puta madre, when directed at someone else, become progresssively more insulting. Then there's pendejo (asshole, basically), mamahuevo (literally egg-eater, meaning cocksucker), and cara de cullo (ass face/dickwad), cabron, and on it goes.

I use the English "c" word some, too. In fact, it is no doubt at the pinnacle of my cuss words. If someone is a real prick, then (oxymoronically, I suppose) they are a cunty mother-fucker, which is probably about as bad as it gets in my books.

Pray, what sayest thou when provoked or distraught?